How can death possibly be considered to be a gift? After all, the loss of a loved one can be one of he most traumatic and difficult of all life experiences. One of the greatest fears that we face as human beings is death and the dying process.The process of death produces suffering that is unimaginable and can throw us into a whirlwind emotions ranging from debilitating anxiety, intense anger, overwhelming sadness and an overall state of grief that leaves us feeling lost and helpless. These are all normal responses to death. Make no mistake, death is painful and difficult experience, and one that cannot be avoided. Each and every one of us will experience the pain of death at some point in our lives. And eventually, each one of us will face our own death.
But just as the beginning of new life is a gift, there are aspects of death that can be embraced as gifts as well. Within some countries, religions and cultures, death is even celebrated and welcome. So why is it that many of us have such a gripping fear of death? Why is it that we avoid thinking of death, talking about death, let alone actually educating ourselves to what death is really all about? The answers to the questions are certainly not easy, because death is an aspect of life filled with mystery and the unknown. Most of us don't know what to expect during the dying process. Issues such as time frame, how our bodies will react during the dying process and what will happen to our capacity to utilize our minds are some of the first concerns that a dying person and family face. Let's admit it. Most of us like to be in control of all aspects of our lives, and when we face these uncontrollable factors of death, it can be a challenging time for everyone involved. We feel helpless, frustrated and confused and inevitably afraid. And since fear is something that we all try our best to avoid, we avoid discussing the topic of death and dying.
As a result, many myths and misguided beliefs have developed in our society regarding what death really is and what happens during the transition from life to death. Dispelling these myths and bridging the gap for open conversation can take away some of the fears of death and make the process much less mysterious and bring more peace to those facing death, as well as family, caregivers and friends. Confronting death can also bring us to a place where we eventually begin to face death with a more healthy and positive perspective. The fear begins to diminish, the need for control falls away, and we begin to see that the process of death and dying are just as natural as the gift of life. We begin to see that within death there is life. As Haruki Murakami wrote in his book Norwegian Wood, "Death is not the opposite of life, but an intimate part of it. By living our lives, we nurture death."
When we face our fear of death, we begin to appreciate life as precious and our energy begins to be directed to the present moment. Our lives become more full and we find ourselves longing to express more love to those who are important to us. Life issues that previously had the tenancy to overwhelm and cause us stress begin to seem not quite as important. We prioritize our time more, wanting to spend more time with our loved ones and dedicating each moment to things that really matter in life. And when the time to face death inevitably comes into our lives, we find that we are more prepared. We can see that death and the dying process is a holy and spiritual experience, as we witness our loved one take their last breath, and being witness to their transitioning to a new dimension of life. We can prepare for the reality of death, much in the same way that we prepare of a birth. We find that we can face death with open hearts, a more peaceful spirit and embracing love rather than fear, with hopes of new life, new hope and a deepening of faith. And yes; we may even begin to see that death can be a gift. We just have to unwrap the package with anticipation of what may be waiting for us inside, rather than ignoring what is presented to us. But the gift must be opened with courage, hope and anticipation to the unexpected joy that can accompany our suffering.
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